Talkers believe the best way for Rural Hill to trumpet its off-season is with a full-blown salute to its 2011 slate of events.

The last weekend for this year’s maze is one week before the annual sheepdog trials and those particular scheduling logistics prompted the evil, conniving genius in every Talker to consider mixing the two, and tossing in a few extras to really celebrate what Rural Hill has blossomed into the last few months.

What would be better, Talkers reasoned, than a quickie, 1760s-style wedding followed by a 7K warm-up jaunt leading to a journey through the maze on an egg hunt accompanied by dogs free to bark in the park while hoping to stumble upon strategically placed kegs of North Carolina Brewers Festival samples all the time trying to avoid barbed wire covered, flamed-tinged mud pits placed by Warrior Dash sadists while audibly assaulted by the ancient thundering whines of a bagpipe band. And, on yeah, while wearing a kilt.

To pep things up a little, the mayors of Cornelius, Davidson and Huntersville will be perched above ready to lob battle axes at the slow pokes (don’t worry, Talkers have seen those three in action, and no one aimed at will be in any real danger).

If sundown threatens and a few egg-laden, beer- blinded, bagpipe-befuddled and barbed wirebitten stragglers seem destined to remain tangled in the cornstalk confusion until the crop is harvested, Talkers recommend a real test for the coddled sheep dogs: Turn ’em lose and let them try to lead that forsaken flock to freedom.

It’s all in fun, of course, and — as of today — just imaginary. But Talkers plan to be firmly on the sidelines, refreshments in hand, when Rural Hill’s Scottish Egg Brewer’s Warrior Wedding & Dog Dash comes to town.