So, I'm turning to my friend and Southern-fried-science consultant Dr. Joel Krugler for a jump-start on a warm idea for a warm winter day. Joel, who lives in Cornelius, is a California Tech-educated physicist who is now retired from his profession but whose brain never takes a rest and whose sense of humor never takes a holiday.
Joel is smarter about theology that most theologians I know. Theologians and scientists prove things. What follows here are Joe's words. It is a Bible study and a good, solid, scientific answer to a question I'll wager none of you dear readers have ever thought of: "How much hotter is Hell than Heaven?" Joel will prove that Heaven is hotter than Hell!
"Isaiah 30: 26: Moreover, the light of the moon shall be as the light of the sun and the light of the sun shall be sevenfold as the light of seven days. From this we can determine that Heaven receives about 50 times as much radiation from the sun and moon as the earth. Using classical physics, this allows us to calculate the temperature of Heaven as 525 degrees Celsius. (You'll have to have faith on the physics. Trust me.)
It's trickier to calculate an exact temperature of Hell, but we can put an upper limit on it. "Revelation 21: 8: But the fearful and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone. Now, brimstone is just sulfur, and if it's molten (as it must be to form a lake), its temperature must be at or below the boiling of sulfur, which is 444.6 degrees Celsius. Above that point, it would be a vapor, not a lake.
"We have then, the temperature of Heaven, 525 degrees Celsius. Temperature of Hell, less than 445 degrees Celsius. Therefore, Heaven is hotter than Hell."
Now, before y'all stand and applaud Joel's conclusion, let us think a bit more about his theory. I have a special interest in Joel's thinking on this because I have already designated him as one of my friends to say a few kind words about me when I'm dead and gone. I want him to be clear on this hot topic. In his calculations, he is assuming that Heaven is out in space somewhere under the fierce glare of the sun. I don't necessarily share that assumption. I'm thinking that Heaven may be under a big shade tree way down upon the Suwanee River.
I admit that mine is a crispy, Southern-fried theory, but as children we sang Stephen Foster's song, "Old Folks at Home." It began, "Way down upon the Swanee (Foster misspelled the name) River/Far, far away ..." Later Al Jolson popularized the song in those racist, blackface minstrel shows. I'm glad those days are gone. But I remember the words Jolson added, "... the folks up north will see me no more when I get to that Swanee shore." Of course, I could be wrong, but I think Heaven will be a paradise somewhere in the Southern shade.
You could have gates of pearl, streets of gold and harp music almost anywhere. You could have them under a Spanish moss-draped Southern live oak tree on the banks of the Suwanee River. You could also have a fishing pole, sweet iced tea, shoo-fly pie, the aroma of Carolina jasmine and honeysuckle vines, and a soft, cool breeze. I may be way off base on this, but I'm just saying ...
Harold Bales is a semi-retired Methodist minister who lives in Kannapolis. He also has a new book out and copies are available for sale. For more information, visit www.TheSouthernFriedPreacher.com. Send him an e-mail at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
