About a year ago I spotted a bunch of my senior citizen parishioner friends in a local eatery. As I approached, I noticed that they were engaged in animated conversation. When I reached the group they welcomed me but I sensed they were uncomfortable by my presence and the energy had leaked out of the conversation. So, in a cheerful voice I asked, “What are y’all talking about this morning?” There was an awkward pause and finally a brave soul said, “Sex.”

When the laughter subsided, I said, “I have heard of that!” The laughter resumed.

Then I told them the old story about a pastor who solicited sermon topics from some seniors. One woman suggested sex. Then he asked for suggestions for a song to sing for that topic. A 95- year-old woman raised her had to propose “Precious Memories.” That was met with more laughter. Then with all the tension out of the group, we had a wonderful conversation about the issue of sexuality for senior citizens.

This is an important matter especially for folk who have outlived their mates and are suddenly single — a condition that may continue for many years to come. This can be as morally, ethically, and spiritually challenging for seniors as it is for teenagers.

I went back to that group last Friday. I reminded them of that conversation a year ago and asked if anyone had learned anything about sex during the past year. Phyllis Ritchie, college teacher and widow for more than 25 years, said in a matter-of-fact, professorial voice, “I’ve learned you can live without it!” Laughter again.

I asked Luke Long, who is 92 years old, what he has learned about being a senior. “I’m trying to figure out why the Lord has allowed me to live so long.” Then he spoke with deep emotion about outliving his daughter, Jo, who died at a very early age. I turned to Sammie, his wife of more than 70 years, and asked her the same question. She replied simply, “I don’t like it.”

As someone famously said, “Old age is not for sissies.” At some point in our lives, we all grow old enough that we don’t often feel good Our mobility begins to be restricted. Usually we begin to need help with seeing and hearing. People don’t call us by our first names much anymore. Don’t touch us like they once did.

Now I’m climbing onto my soapbox. I want to tell you what you are missing if you are younger and do not spend much time with the seniors in your family, church and neighborhood. The seniors know things you do not know. They have a long-term perspective you have not lived long enough to acquire. They have a context in which every new thing that emerges can be examined.

Oh, I know you kids are smart and know things your elders don’t. And those elders want to learn from you. But they have seen and done things that can help you grow beyond smart to wise. That’s the part of your education that cannot be contained on a compact disc or on a hard drive.

Ask your grandmother or mother to sing to you the songs their mothers sang to them when they were children. Remember the songs they sang to you. You won’t be moved to dance to those simple songs. They were nurturing songs meant to quiet the soul, drive away childhood fears, and make eyelids heavy at bedtime. I beg you to preserve in your hearts the songs and stories of your seniors who are now at the time of their lives when they wish for nothing quite so much as to give you a gift of loving wisdom.

Harold Bales is a purveyor of wisdom, and is a retired Methodist minister who lives in Kannapolis. Contact him at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .