What is your current state of mind?
Enraged.
What qualities do you value in a friend?
Someone who wouldn’t ask me to stop at the Harris Teeter in Northcross for a six pack on my way to watch the race at their house in Pages Pond.
What do you regret about your youth?
That it will be over before I make it to Highway 115.
Which talent would you like most to have?
Right now? The ability to fly.
What is your favorite place?
Anywhere but Sam Furr Road.
What would you do if you hit the lottery?
Buy a helicopter. And a monster truck. Big Foot would be great right now.
On what occasion do you lie?
When I get to Pages Pond and tell my buddy traffic was light.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Resisting the temptation to flip over the turtle that just taunted me when he passed.
What is your best quality?
My ability to say Gordon! Huzzah! with a straight face.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I wouldn’t make fun of bicyclists so much. They could get where I’m going faster than I will.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Making fun of bicyclists. Wait, there go two more!
What would you rather be doing right now?
Seriously?
